Stupid holidays

So teaching is supposed to be all great because of the holidays, but I don't seem to be enjoying them at all. I like my work. I wish we had the 'regular' amount of holidays and the workload was a little less ball-busting.

I have been all tetchy today. I was supposed to go to Vancouver at the end of the year and work in the snowshoeing program and get married. But then the snowshoeing fell through and now I am wondering whether to just go anyway. Is it wrong to travel so far just because you are kind of interested in some guy? Maybe I should go to Bulgaria and look after sheep and ponies. Or maybe I should go wwoofing. Or maybe stay the hell at home and save up money to renovate the bathroom. I feel both set adrift and overwhelmed by choice. And tetchy.

But actually, I would rather be worrying about these inanities. This time last week my cousin died. I have just been looking at his MySpace page. I don't like how the internet holds echoes of the dead like that. How can someone have commented on his mum's facebook 10 days ago and be dead now?

It is dumb to be crying. I haven't even seen him for years.

I think I might go bake something.